Dad Rocks!

October 4th - Tour diary - ‘Worthless balls’

I woke up in Leeds to the smell of a beautiful veggie english breakfast. Phillip the promoter had made us a really nice meal. We watched a bit of Jeremy Kyle and he was disgusting. Tragic. Phillip was very good to us and bought our CD’s and took us down to the bus. We found the coach station and started the long journey to Middelsborough

On the way there we watched the ‘mammals’ episode of the BBC series ‘Life’ narrated by David Attenborough. It was a beautiful thing. We learned a lot. For instance. the motherfucker on the photo below taps trees with it’s finger to find spots where larvae could be hiding. It then gnarls the wood of with it’s teeth and uses it’s huge middlefinger to drag the larvae out of it’s hiding place. Apparently this technique takes years to fully master. But dude, it’s a really ugly animal. Tragic.

We then watched Taken with Liam Nesson in the main role. Basically his daughter gets kidnapped, and he kills loads of people to get her back, and doesn’t sleep in the movie. Along the way he takes the time to put value on different peoples balls.

We arrived in Middelsborough one hour early. We continued watching Liam kicking people in the balls, but then the coach driver started yelling at us: where the fuck are the guys with two guitars getting off in middelsborough?! We literally panicked. I didn’t even have my shoes on, I needed to pack my computer, headphones all kinds of shit, and people were just staring at us. Very uncomfortable. Oh well, we managed to get of the coach and headed down to the closest Weatherspoons (apparently it’s some sort of an old mens McDonalds). Toby bought me a pint of the cheapest beer he could find and got himself a coffee. Then he handed me the beer and looked me in the eyes while we were getting seated and said: ‘mate, I gotta tell you something, Everytime I go to the loo at a Weatherspoons and sit down in the cubicle, there’s always an old man taking a pis in the urinal, and they always talk to their dicks, like ‘how’s the going bro?”. I couldn’t believe what Toby was telling me. It all just sounded very unbelievable, so I thought I’d try it. I sat there for 10 minutes, and nothing. The disappointment was quite big, and I told Toby about it, but he didn’t really give a fuck.

This dude Daniel from label mates ‘Rosa Valle’ picked us up at The Weatherspoons and drove us to the house we were playing that night. Toby was all fucked up and couldn’t shut up. I could see that he was going to have a melt-down if we didn’t get him some food. So we drove as quickly as we could to the biggest Tesco we could find. We found toby some chicken, pasta, croissants, bread, jam, peanut butter and some fireworks. I cooked for Toby and he was just about to loose his mind. On the way home he thought he saw a surfer, but it was just an old man in a car, that couldn’t even fit a surf-board in or on the vehicle. I was worried about him, but as soon as he got something to eat the foam around his mouth went away and his eyes turned normal again. Then he decided to buy a Ribena 4-pack, which he shouldn’t have done cause after that he started foaming again. His set was absolutely beautiful though. He even covered Radioheads ‘Wolf at the door’ and played a Meet Me In St. Louis song. Very sweet. My set went very well too. I even signed a poster.

We slepped in the same room as we played in, and we started doing Arnie impressions before we fell asleep, only we imitated Arnie imitating Forrest Gump. It was all very stupid, but we thought we were very funny and had a hard time breathing.

Toby’s playing this song at shows recently: